xmenfirstkink | round 3 overflow post

“Why do you like me?” Charles repeats, wide-eyed and earnest, and does not look away when Erik stares at him, mouth set in a determined line. “I mean, of all the people in all the world, I’m forced upon you by my sister and you just happen to lo- like me. It just seems…”

It’s like having his foot caught in a trap; Erik does not know what to say, how to articulate something he does not understand himself. He is eloquent at other times, he knows, and is not falsely modest about it. But something about Charles is disarming, tongue-tying and disconcerting, and he feels like a stumbling idiot, trying to put his feelings for Charles into words. “It’s not about… this,” he says, gesturing at the room around them, meaning this, this apartment, Charles’ confinement and Erik’s part in that, what he will not think of as his control of that. “I could have put you somewhere else a thousand times over, Charles, if I didn’t… I’ve said so before, to you. But. It’s better when you’re here.”

Charles leans forward, just a little, enough that his hair falls forward into his eyes and he has to reach up to push it back, watching Erik’s face like he expects to find something there. “Better than what?”

And that one is easy. “Than before you were here,” Erik says, and gestures around them again. “Somehow, you make me… I’m a difficult person. I sometimes think I’m like a - chestnut?”

“A conker?” Charles asks, with just a hint of humour.

“With the - the spiny casing,” Erik says, moving his palms in together as though cupping something rounded, hoping they’re thinking of the same thing.

Charles is definitely trying not to smile, now, despite himself. His mouth is twitching, like he’s fighting hard to keep it a straight line. “Are you saying you’re spiky on the outside and nutty on the inside?”

“Forget it,” Erik mutters, glowering at the crushed stem of the moon until it snaps back into the shape he’d intended.

When Charles takes his hand he almost pulls away, but he doesn’t, quite, lets Charles catch their fingers together and hold his hand still, tugging until Erik looks back up to meet his eyes, softer now. “No, I’m sorry, what were you going to say.”

“It’s not about the - our situation,” Erik says, even though he’d rather just get up and abandon the conversation so he could stop feeling awkward. “Don’t think that. I just - you make me - happy. Alright?”

There is an odd expression on Charles’ face, startled and flustered and worried, maybe, but over all of that a slow-blooming sweet smile, made sweeter by the flush that rises to his pale cheeks. It makes Erik’s lungs catch on an inhale, hitching on an upswell of unbearable ardour and affection and embarrassment, and in the moment of respiratory failure his heart thuds hard against the inside of his ribcage. It’s uncomfortable and he hides it by turning his gaze sharply away and back to the metal on his desk, though he is electrically aware of Charles to his side, and when Charles gets up from his chair and comes to wrap his arms around Erik’s shoulders, leaning his forehead against Erik’s temple, pressing in close, it’s easier to show him what he means by turning to press his lips to the corner of Charles’ eye, gently, Charles’ eyelashes fluttering against Erik’s skin and fingers curling in Erik’s shirt.

And with this update you've officially made my Friday. Thank you!

As much as I love when you focus on Charles and Erik (and Raven) in the apartment (and I do -- I could read about them forever), I love that this section brings the powerful reach of the outside world to the foreground again. It serves as a reminder that the outside world is not going anywhere and that Erik straddles the line carefully, but it always threatens to topple him. Is it any wonder Erik makes the decision he does? As we've noted before keeping Charles in the apartment isn't done out of malicious intent. Of course Charles wants to be free, to choose to stay or leave, and I think Erik can appreciate that. But with the world the way it is, Charles WOULD be threatened/attacked on the outside. He IS protected inside the apartment. It's not an ideal situation but for now it's the most logical and practical one. When Charles (in other sections) laments what's happening I don't see it as him not getting it, but him very much understanding what's going on. Just like Erik can let down his guard and be himself in the apartment, Charles can voice his concerns and resignations. They both know what can and cannot be changed at the present moment but they can also talk about it -- it's a way for them to still assert the parts of themselves not beholden to the restrictions of the rest of the world.

I'm glad you're giving details about what's going on politically on an international scale. The apartment is this small sphere in the middle of something much larger and very precarious. The uprising in Japan, the mutants there fighting under a "Magneto" banner so-to-speak is fascinating -- yes Magneto has become the leader (symbolically and in flesh and blood), but the political instability of the world cannot be ignored. If Charles's existence and his relationship with Erik were to be discovered it could be disastrous -- Erik would be seen as weak and a traitor by the more fanatically minded mutants (and an unstable situation could grow worse). At the same time Charles could be used against him -- an Achilles Heel that either humans could try to exploit in their attempts to fight back or that power hungry mutants could use to dispose of Magneto. It's chilling to say the least.

Of course this is all balanced out with the final scene between Erik and Charles in the apartment. It's a simple conversation, but I like that it pushes both of them further along. Charles reaches for an answer, trying to make sense of what his life is, what their life together is, because all he has of the outside world is what seeps into the apartment (even if it is brought in by Erik). It's still something abstract just beyond his reach. And Erik, for all this confused emotion and feelings (and I love the bit as he realizes he loves Raven, but not the way he loves Charles, what makes Charles different from her and all the more perfect for him), sums it up in a word I doubt he ever thought he'd ever to describe himself -- happy.

The final image of them makes me smile and breaks my heart because it's beautiful but also breakable.

As ever, you've written this amazing comment, and I just know I can't do it justice in my reply!

I'm really glad you're enjoying the politics of it. For the rest of this part (part four, not just this update) I really had to sit down and do a lot of planning, because things are about to get complicated. Timelining was the biggest factor, actually, working out when things could happen realistically. So to have it working (at least so far!) is a big relief!

I absolutely agree that both Charles and Erik are in a precarious position here, where a sidestep from either of them could topple the whole house of cards. And yet they stay together and find a way to support each other. It's interesting trying to keep that momentum of their relationship going once they're already together, because I don't want it to get stale and it has to grow and evolve as we go through. Lots of challenges for me but lots of fun, too :)

That last vignette just makes me want to weep a bit. The idea of how Charles comes to understand that's he's wanted and that's he's special to Erik just makes me want to hug them both and make everything that they've had done to them so far melt away.

This is another one of those moments where I know that the fall is really going to kill me more than I can express right now.

Hooray! Romantic-ness is clearly working, then :D I hope I don't break you too much as we keep going!

Oh BEAUTIFUL. Beautiful chapter, again you draw a lovely balance between Erik's introspection and the external movements of his government. Topping this with the image of Erik working on a mobile, Raven's pregnancy, and his comparison to a chestnut... brilliant. The... roundness of this chapter, the softness that's starting to show around everything surrounding and inhabiting Erik is starting to show, and I ache for the time when, indeed, he is too 'sharp' to hurt Charles when Charles finally—and literally also—lets him in. It's painful and new and frightening for Erik, I can tell, who's been 'sharp' all his life, but, you're getting there, Erik. You made Emma smile.

Thank YOU for this lovely update. Always a pleasure to read.

Thank you so much! That's so good to hear. Getting the ratio of outside life to inside life right is one of my big worries so I'm glad it's working for you. This is such a lovely comment and I feel all warm and fuzzy inside :)

“Don’t think that. I just - you make me - happy. Alright?”

oh my heart, my poor poor heart </3 I love this soft and vunerable side of Erik. Once again thank you for writing this lovely fic and I hope you write many more ~~

Thank you, I'm really pleased you're enjoying it :)

eeeeee! that's all i have to say

Aaaaaaaaa! is what I say back :D

This interlude, I have to consider it an interlude, of warmth and tentative understanding is so amazingly touching. I just want to roll around it it and have it last forever! And yet it scares me because it can't possibly, and I know perfectly well that you're setting us up oh, for the drop. I swear, next update I'll be too terrified to read.V_V

(Of course I will anyway.)

This whole work is brilliant.

Ahahahaha, again, the problems of having so explicit a prompt and having started with the future and then going back is that everyone is waiting for it. Then again, maybe the anticipation is part of the fun?

I'm really pleased you're still enjoying it :3

that last bit just made my heart do a series of jumping jacks that made me feel all the warm feelings inside :DDD. Erik, finally, you're doing it right!

I just want to give him a hug and tell him 'well done'. Except he would give me this weird look like 'what are you doing?' and probably hit me or something, which would be awkward.

This piece just aches, even when I'm feeling soft towards Erik and Charles, I just know that what they have is going to break as is my heart along with them; another great update!

Thank you so much, I'm really glad you're enjoying it :)

I am just loving this so much. Such richness you create, and riches you give us. The workroom scene is so sweet, as is Erik not telling Charles how expensive tea is...*sigh*.

Thank you! This is such a lovely comment, I really appreciate it :3

Raven's rumors are making me so nervous for the future ahhh! I want them to be happy forever....

But! This update was so sweet and cute and perfect. The way you described Erik's feelings for Raven and his feelings for Charles was so perfect and I love the glimpses of government and politics that we get on top of the adorable scenes of Erik and Charles!

Re: FILL: Everyday Love in Stockholm 139/?

tahariel.livejournal.com - 2012-02-06 21:43 (UTC) - Expand

I think I've said this before, but I just love the contrast between all the politics and taking over the world stuff, and the quiet domesticity of Erik and Charles in the apartment *snuggles fic*

Re: FILL: Everyday Love in Stockholm 139/?

tahariel.livejournal.com - 2012-02-06 21:45 (UTC) - Expand

I figured I'd put this here rather than email, so it's easier for you to keep track of.

Oh, Erik, you are so thoroughly insane, you know that, right? It's not just with Charles, but in your politics, your need to conquer the world just to save mutantkind.

You really do a fantastic job of showing how unbalanced he is. How he just leaps into things without thinking it over, and how he justifies the things he does even when they were bad choices/decisions and/or just plain insane. It's very much Magneto of canon.

This is still so very depressing. I feel bad for Erik, even though he's sort of dug his own hole. I feel worse for Charles, because he knows. He has to know. Gah, they drive me crazy. How did you make this so real that I want to reach into the screen and punch them? It should be illegal.

(PS: Got through without a trigger, though despair, so much despair) so thanks for editing this for me. It really is above and beyond (and frankly awesome).

Re: FILL: Everyday Love in Stockholm 139/?

tahariel.livejournal.com - 2012-02-06 21:47 (UTC) - Expand

Re: FILL: Everyday Love in Stockholm 139/?

nekosmuse.livejournal.com - 2012-02-07 00:00 (UTC) - Expand

This may be a strange comment, but the way you made a point about them not having penetrative sex yet made me go back and look at your initial updates to this story, where they actually do and -- I wanted to ask, do you feel like the characters have shifted from where you originally intended? Because reading that Erik that whispers to Charles how lucky he is to, basically, have all these "riches" in his captivity etc etc versus the Erik that we're reading now...I almost feel like his character development that you've established now doesn't add up to the character he will be later on, as shown in your initial updates. But I suppose Mystique's death isn't a factor in his character yet, among other things you've probably got planned.... But the Erik in those initial updates seems so cold and just completely delusional whereas the Erik here is still a (to me) sympathetic, feeling figure who genuinely cares for Charles and Charles' autonomy.

And I absolutely do not mean to insinuate that you don't have consistent character development, I was honestly just wondering if your original intentions have remained the same since the beginning of the fic. Either way, I'm in love with it, but I like this Erik so much better!

Re: FILL: Everyday Love in Stockholm 139/?

tahariel.livejournal.com - 2012-02-06 22:08 (UTC) - Expand

I think my favorite parts are when Erik's in his workroom. The way that you weave the descriptions of him working with the metal is so relaxing for me; I almost feel like it could be my own mutation. I think the additional descriptors of how each metal feels different for him is also a brilliant touch to the reality of it. Which then makes it more believable and, hence, feeling like it's my own mutation.

Once again, my heart melts for Erik. I just love the way you handle him in 139, with his conversation with Charles. It's so precious and frustrating at the same time. Everyone, I'm sure, has had that moment where it's difficult to communicate something they feel is very important. Having someone even slightly amused by it is always a bit discouraging. I think it also speaks to the way that Erik protects himself at any and every availability. Even little things like that bring the defenses up.

I also love how any intimate scenes with them are very...tender, I think is the word I'm looking for. It isn't just about the physical aspects, it's so much more than that. And yet there's still a decent part of it (I feel) that's stuck in the shadows. There's still that little bit that I feel like your style leaves out. Not like it's missing anything, but like there's this intentional disconnect, I suppose. It's really wonderful.

Another great update, in short.

- xo Cosh

Re: Almost de-anon'd myself.

tahariel.livejournal.com - 2012-02-11 11:07 (UTC) - Expand

I think that the only good watching West Side Story ever did for me was that I understood your reference and what the humans being the Jets implies about the mutants. XD

I love your Raven. She's so sassy! And maybe it's a weird thing to notice but I love her yoghourt. I could really picture it splashing up but not quite falling out of the cup. Also, Erik's introspection on potentially being in a relationship with Raven, rather than Charles. It's interesting to me that your Charles is so patient with and willing to be kind to Erik, despite everything, and that seems very Charles-y. Erik's sort of self-hate, not wanting to take too much from Charles - well, that's very familiar to me, let me tell you! ;)

Goodness, your side characters... I love all their little backstories, and this side of Emma that I don't usually see in the (admittedly small) collection of fic that I read! Especially since she can't read Erik except for his face, so she has to be very guarded but there's that little bit of surprised trust when he does something unexpected and proves that he neither disagrees nor agrees with her based on who she is, alone, but rather on the quality of her advice. I'm also so fond of how young most of these people are! In fact I might have borrowed from that idea a little because it really does get across how rare mutants are, that they have to use young people to fill important positions. (speaking of - I just remembered that I cameo'd your Rogue in my fic!)

All of which I say because it's hard for me to pin down much to say about your Charles and Erik because it's just so subtle and there are these little hints of "just what is Charles thinking?" that leave me guessing, and worrying that maybe Charles is just being affectionate because he wants to keep his captor happy, but I can only guess!

Still need to read the next chapter but I'll need to save that one for later I think. It's lovely, dear! <3

round 3 overflow post

FILL: Everyday Love in Stockholm 139/?

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Re: FILL: Everyday Love in Stockholm 139/?

Re: FILL: Everyday Love in Stockholm 139/?

Re: FILL: Everyday Love in Stockholm 139/?

Re: FILL: Everyday Love in Stockholm 139/?

Re: FILL: Everyday Love in Stockholm 139/?

Re: FILL: Everyday Love in Stockholm 139/?

Re: FILL: Everyday Love in Stockholm 139/?

Re: FILL: Everyday Love in Stockholm 139/?

Re: FILL: Everyday Love in Stockholm 139/?

Re: FILL: Everyday Love in Stockholm 139/?

Re: FILL: Everyday Love in Stockholm 139/?

Re: FILL: Everyday Love in Stockholm 139/?

Re: FILL: Everyday Love in Stockholm 139/?

Re: FILL: Everyday Love in Stockholm 139/?

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Re: FILL: Everyday Love in Stockholm 139/?

Almost de-anon'd myself.

Re: Almost de-anon'd myself.

Re: FILL: Everyday Love in Stockholm 139/?