xmenfirstkink | round 3 overflow post

First off: wow. I can’t believe this fic is finished. As I’m sure many of you know from previous author’s notes, I never intended for Stockholm to be much of anything at all – a 5,000 word bit of smut, maybe, about Charles trapped in an attic catering to Erik’s sexual whims.

That’s not quite what happened.

132,000 words later (oh my God) and six months later (OH MY GOD) probably the biggest thing I have to say is: thank you all, so incredibly much, for making me want to keep writing this and making it such an enjoyable, exciting, nerve-wracking and overall wonderful experience. Every comment and every word of encouragement has meant a lot to me, and I couldn’t have done it without that push every week to keep going.

And an incredible thank you to every artist who has so kindly produced art for the fic – you have no idea of the conniptions I went through every time, seriously. I am very glad I live alone because it got embarrassing. You are all incredibly talented, amazing people who I am so glad to have met.

Everyday Love in Stockholm is probably my favourite thing I have ever written, and I suspect it will remain so for a long time to come. Thank you for reading! You may or may not know that it is also available on AO3 (”http://archiveofourown.org/works/324068”) in its entirety (or at least as soon as I update it with this week’s text!)

I value every comment and bit of feedback, big or small, so please let me know what you think. And thank you again – writing this has only served to remind me of just how much and why I love fandom.

I have nothing but admiration and utter respect (and awe) for what you've created here. It's nothing short of brilliant.

This final update alone had my eyes tearing up and my heart pounding hard. Where does one start when trying to convey absolute adoration for a work of passion -- and that's what this was...over months you've created and constructed a living, breathing world filled with layered characters who were never black and white but technicolour.

Throughout the journey the idealistic side of me was yearning (against hope) for a happy-type ending, but given the subject matter, given the intensity of emotions rife throughout this fic, I didn't know if it would be possible and prepared myself for the worst. But you've done it -- while still being true to the characters and their own personal journey's, while never losing sight of the larger overarching story, you've written a believable, plausible, hopeful ending for Erik and Charles and for that I'm forever grateful (that's how attached I've become to your story).

In many ways, Erik thinks, he’s as trapped by love as Charles is, because while Charles cannot bear to stay, Erik cannot bear to let him go.

What a beautiful summation of tragic love -- two people who love each other with everything but cannot be together in the way they want...someone (both) is bound to get hurt and it doesn't make their love any less. It reminds us how potent and consuming it is. How much pain our hearts can take, are willing to suffer for the taste of perfection.

The character growth throughout your story is wonderful. Erik in particular is a thing of beauty...to see where he starts and where he ends up. How much do I love that he sorts out a working compromise with Moira, that he does it for Charles and because it's the right thing to do. This is an Erik who is thinking beyond himself. He's changed for the good (and it's something that is re-iterated after the shit hits the fan and Charles is gone and Erik spirals down, trying to convince himself that being alone is better because he has no one to bother or challenge him, to cause problems, when we all know how empty it all is without Charles prodding him, forcing him to think beyond his comfort zone, to be a better leader).

Their quiet moments together, strained but still connected are heavy with what's not being said but can't be ignored and when Charles initiates that frantic, final night together I just knew...that and Azazel's earlier expression aimed at Erik...I wondered if Kurt would unintentionally be the one to blow this open. Oh man, the way the confrontation plays out -- fantastic. I like how you kept it simple and quiet rather than over the top dramatic. I like that Emma and Azazel could be confused and frustrated, but in a way also understanding (Emma moreso given she can slip into Erik's mind and sees the fierceness of his feelings towards Charles). Though they ultimately keep his secret for the purposes of keeping what they've built from crumbling, on a personal level it does speak toward the familial, friendly bonds they've come to share.

My heart broke when Erik admits to Charles he was going to let him go and then Azazel takes him away. You wrote it so beautifully, so heartwrenchingly. Gorgeous.

And, of course, the epilogue. Totally the ending that rocks my world every which way to Sunday. It's the perfect call back to a dreamed of life Erik never thought they'd get to share -- him and Charles walking out in the open together, in a garden, surrounded by a brilliant explosion of colour, the two of them uncompromised (Erik still stoic and powerful but now more at ease in his position and in possession of a heart, something many thought he lacked as he put up a cold, unflinching front, and Charles, free, sharing his ideas with the world, allowed to be who he wants to be) and still utterly in love with each other.

And the extra bit of awesomeness -- them both putting their hearts on the line -- Charles refusing to go backwards, insisting on being true to himself and Erik loving that, feeling in control of his own desires, and want to court Charles. It's truly the beginning for them of something beautiful.

I could go on and on. There's so much to say about this story but I fear I've rambled on long enough. So let me say thank you -- Thank you for writing such a wonderful story. It's been an honour to have read it from the start.

I'd like to say, first, how happy your reviews have always made me - because you put so much thought and attention into reading the fic, it's made it feel really worthwhile to have put so much effort into writing it, so I appreciate it, so much. I am very lucky to have a reader like you!

I'm so glad you liked what I did with the ending for the fic. This is what i'd always planned, of course, but it's always a risk, ending a complex fic that's had so many differing points of view applied to it throughout, so the positive response makes me breathe a sigh of relief! The main thing for me was that while Erik's hand is, in some ways, forced, it had to be his choice, his decision, or it invalidated all of the steps he'd made up until this point, all of his character development. And they could never have a hopeful ending without Charles being free (and I always intended for it to be hopeful, even if it's open.)

I could talk about the process of decision-making in this fic for hours, because it ended up being very complex and involved, but I'm just really happy to have found an audience for it, and one that sees the choices I've made, so thank you very much!

This is one of the best fanfics I've ever read, and it's in My Top 5 of XM:FC fics. You've done a superb job thoughout the entire fic portraying Erik's POV and his complex relationship with both Raven and Charles, and the ending is just perfect.

Thank you very much! I'm so glad you enjoyed it :3

That was wonderful. I've been enjoying following this fic for a while now and I'm happy to see that it was resolved in a way that did the characters justice.

Thank you very much - that's so lovely to hear!

Oh my good god. I feel like I've been following this story FOREVER (I still remember my frantic rushed oh-my-god-this-is-so-good and the literary allusions with the Faust and Elizabeth Browning and yes yes yes) and seeing it transform from simply a haunting cautionary tale of obsession and love taken too far it became this...giant, amazing fic where I fell in love with every character and the only thing I ever, ever wanted was just for all of them to be happy and for it to work out for them -- I didn't know how, or if, that could happen but oh my god, you diiddddd ittt.

I actually had tears in my eyes when Erik went into the apartment and saw Azazel and Emma there. I knew the second you said Erik hadn't been seeing much of Kurt that Charles was going to use that in some way to escape. I initially thought Charles was just going to get Kurt to teleport him out and not say anything to Erik at all -- which in some ways was much more cruel than what you had happen to him, but in other ways not. To be trapped, completely cut off from his powers, and by two of his closest friends? To have everything that has given his life meaning be stripped down and bared in front of people who know nothing about his relationship with Charles (when Emma called him a fucktoy.... dear god) so who are they to judge? HE WAS GOING TO LET HIM GOOOO.

I honestly cannot believe this is over. I'm just a reader and I'm freaked out by it! I can't imagine how you, as the author, feel right now. This story has just been a constant in my XMFC fandom life and it is absolutely one of my all time favorites. Watching Erik, who is altogether absolutely my favorite character forever and always amen, progress from this pretty simple dark captor figure to this three dimensional man with a damaged soul who so desperately wants to love was a privilege to watch.

I could go on and on about how much this story has truly moved me and how much I've loved the experience of reading it, but I'll spare you the mushy details. Thank you so much for writing this. The ending was amazing. The story was amazing. Everything was amazing. Thank you!

Edited 2012-03-25 01:27 (UTC)

I FEEL LIKE I'VE BEEN WRITING THIS STORY FOREVER XD

I am so, so pleased you enjoyed it and where I went with it. Insightful, thoughtful readers like you are what makes doing a big project like this worthwhile, so thank you so much for all of your lovely comments. I really do appreciate the time and thought you put into them.

And I'm also really glad you didn't guess what exactly was going to happen - I knew people would see Kurt coming (I flagged that intentionally, because there is a lot of fun in foreshadowing) but that the actual reveal was a surprise is very satisfying to me! And that scene - argh, hard to write, so I'm really glad it worked for you.

I'm in a really funny headspace right now where I'm still too close to it but I can't let it go. I'm just delighted that you enjoyed it this much. Thank you for reading :)

I'll be back with something more coherent. Suddenly, monster sobs.

My god, that was beautiful. Thank you for finishing it and for finishing it like it's only just begun. I know you were doing this around the time of your birthday, but ironically this ending was a great gift from you. Happy Bday Tahariel, and Everyday Love in Stockholm :D

Thank you, darling - my work here is clearly done if I have reduced you to tears!

Honestly, I love that I finished around my birthday, because they sort of amped each other up. It was a really fun week of pulling at my own hair and clawing at my face finishing it (I took a week off for my birthday) and so getting to post it and see the reactions has been very fulfilling :)

Oh this....

I need a moment here, if only so I can curse my poor iTunes for some quality music choices (like reading the end of the epilogue to "Never is a Promise" by Fiona Apple.)

But I think that that song just sets up so much about this fic and what it has meant to me.

There's the sudden realization here at the end that Kurt has found Charles just as Erik was about to free him that was painful and yet so fitting.

Then there's the epilogue where all I was thinking as they both admitted that they still loved each other is that nothing perfect would come from it. There's too much history, but I suppose that if they're going to make a go of it, it's not too much to overcome.

So finally, thank you hon, for a ride that I didn't expect I'd want to read as much as I did, and for the time that you took to craft a narrative into something wholly gorgeous.

I really wanted the ending to be open and hopeful, but without the fallacy that everything is fixed and will be 100% okay now. It was really important - and sometimes difficult! - not to undermine everything that had already happened by reducing their experiences and history with each other to something that didn't matter any more. Because it's always going to matter and colour their future, of course it is. But I really wanted it to be left in a place where they have room to build and the capacity to build something new on old foundations.

I'm so pleased you enjoyed it, honey. It's a great pay-off for me to get such lovely feedback :)

Firstly, congratulations on having finished! I have only been following for about three months, so to read about how long you've been working on this has been a surprise. It's an excellent fic, one that I have been following avidly.

Secondly, I didn't realise until the opportunity was taken from him, just how much I wanted Erik to be able to give Charles his freedom. Much like seeing Charles so composed after Erik let him top, it was a blow. What happened was right, of course - that Erik be forced to face what he has done, amongst other things, was absolutely what had to happen.

I finished reading this just after you posted last night, but couldn't comment because of how deeply it affected me. I'll re-read the whole thing on AO3 eventually, but I will have to take some space from it. I'm sure that you, as the author, must feel a little like that, having been immersed in it for so long. An amazing achievement, and a wonderful contribution to the fandom. Thank you for it.

Thank you very much! I'm really pleased you enjoyed it - the payoff of writing something is getting lovely feedback like this, so I appreciate it :)

I agree, it absolutely had to be taken away from Erik at the last moment, because it would be too easy for him just to change his mind again about letting Charles go and not really have the impetus to do anything about it. He needed the ultimate push. But it still had to be his choice, something he decided for himself, or else it would undermine all of his changes and choices up until that point, if he didn't make the decision for himself. It was a tough tight-rope to walk, so I'm really glad it worked for you!

I'm still a bit too close to it, really - I feel like a friend of mine died, I'm not quite sure what to do with myself without Erik in my head. But getting such a lovely comment helps soothe my aching soul :D

I know... that I am quite a nuisance to this fic's thread since the very start. I leave unnecessary comments and I even message you on Tumblr... BUT. I. JUST. CAN'T. CONTAIN. MY. EMOTIONS. This fic is golden and I will treasure it forever. Seeing my babies all grown up, losing some and winning some in return and years later they're still in love with each other, I JUST CAN'T-- I'm so happy for them both. I know it won't be easy for them to be truly together in the end since they are such magnanimous individuals separately but they seem to have worked it out in the end, in the beautiful backdrop of France. I'm crying out of happiness!!! seriously!!! the last time I cried this hard was because of another fic, but that was out of sadness. BUT REALLY I JUST WANNA THANK YOU, TAH. Your fic is one of the very first ever fics that brought me to the fandom and become loyal to it. THANK YOU. SALAMAT. ARIGATO. XIE XIE. OBRIGADO. DANKE. *I'm just gonna stare at the computer more and maybe cry myself to sleep*

You are not a nuisance at all, and I have loved every one of your comments. There is no such thing as an unnecessary comment, and your unbridled enthusiasm and enjoyment has really made my day every time you've commented. So thank you very much for sticking with me all along, and for always letting me know what you think and feel. I really value it.

I'm so glad you enjoyed the ending - it was a bit nervewracking to post but the feedback has been so lovely. Thank you very much :)

Oh, this ending has absolutely shattered me! Just perfect, and happy in a way I never thought we'd get.

And I'd like to think that Charles did believe Erik when he said he was going to let him go anyway, even without the intervention of Kurt and Azazel and Emma, because after all, Erik's never even given the slightest hint previously that he was thinking of that, and therefore even to just say it should tell Charles that it's the truth.

But oh, two and a half years...

A total triumph, is what this is!

I'm so glad you liked the ending - it was a bit of a balancing act to get to but I really wanted it to be open and hopeful without undermining everything that came before. Thank you so much for sticking with me and for your lovely comments! I am blushing over here :D

From beginning to end this was a brilliant fic. I felt so much for the characters and you managed the rightful balance between the story "outside" and "inside".
I love the ending, it's powerful and beautiful.

Thanks for writing this :)

Thank you for reading, and for leaving such lovely comments! I appreciate all of them :)

I have been delaying to read this cause ugh its the end but finally resolved to read it.

God my tears. :') And when Erik wanted to let Charles go but Emma and Az found out god.. That chapter was I was really glad Erik managed to say the truth
"“I was going to let you go,” Erik says, and pulls Charles’ hand away from his face. “Azazel, if you could.”

Azazel steps forward, and for once does not make a smart remark. “Of course.” And then he is taking Charles’ arm, and Charles is pulling against his grip, trying to reach out to Erik, saying “Erik, I’m sor-”

And then they are gone.

“I love you,” he says to the space where Charles had been, and Emma has the decency to let herself out."

:'(

And then they meet again and I love that you still make it realistic, Charles afraid his love for Erik is not real that it's still Stockholm Syndrome. And Erik still so willing and his character development in this whole fic because of his love for Charles was breathtaking. Both characters both so strong and beautiful. :')
Thank you so fucking much for this journey. Really. Love you!

Maybe there will be more fics you're planning? hehe

I'm so pleased you enjoyed it! Finishing the fic was really nervewracking, not only because I'd been writing it for so long but just to get reactions, so a lovely comment like this is really wonderful to get. Thank you for reading!

I am currently writing a fic for the Reverse Big Bang, however it will not be released until... July, I think? In the meantime there are some short (mostly porny) fics on my AO3 (http://archiveofourown.org/users/tahariel/works) and I'm hoping to do some more shorter pieces between now and the RBB posting date :)

Ah yay!!! Will be looking forward to your RBB! Hope the writing process goes smoothly for you! :) I have read and love almost all your fics on A03! hehe So thank you for it all! :')

Edited 2012-04-08 15:02 (UTC)

round 3 overflow post

FILL: Everyday Love in Stockholm - Author's Note

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